Preparations for our next trip
when your armour slips
So, we have our fourth trip to Lille coming up, and you'll be thinking I'm a capable pro at this stuff now. Well... from the outside I reckon it probably looks like that.
But today I have a storm of feelings swirling around inside me and I am feeling just so tired of being Josephine the Brave. I am tired and weary and exhausted and - what's the word meaning the opposite of resilient? Ah yes, buggered.
I am tired and weary and exhausted and - what's the word meaning the opposite of resilient? Ah yes, buggered.
And all of this kind of surprises me. I take this all in my stride, no...? The thing is, the truth is, it's all just armour. And my armour is so habitual that even I get fooled by it.
Today I have woken up, not as Josephine the Brave, but as Joey the Overwhelmed.
packing and preparing
I have got most of my preparations and packing done for our pending trip, thought through our safe weekly meals, and have even updated my 'Health Phrases' and 'Emergency Health Phrases' sheets. Go me. So capable, so organised, so efficient. But, Holy Hellfire, this morning I have no armour to contain my messy edges - and my emotions are leaking out all over the place.
Truth is - it all feels, suddenly, enormous. Re-reading my typed up health phrases has upset me. Reflecting on the need for a cannula has scared me. Remembering Abi's nut reaction not so long ago has killed my courage.
I don't have a witty phrase or useful token to finish this page with. Other than, maybe just maybe, it's liberating to accept and admit out loud to being scared. To admit that, in fact... I am just a girl. Trying her best for her daughter. Asking for strength.
I am just a girl. Trying her best for her daughter. Asking for strength.